This is so Accurate (but not AUTHENTIC) it HURTS.


Stolen shamelessly from Free Market Fairy Tales. Read it and weep:

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS

May 23, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans with No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said Kerry, a longtime AWNA supporter. “This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing”, said Kerry.

President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%)

President Kerry has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of non-able people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.

Under the Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle man” positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-able, banning discriminatory interview questions such as “Do you have any goals for the future?” or “Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?” and “Are you awake?”

“As a non-able person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. “This new law should really help people like me.”

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Kerry, “It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great society which I lead.”

Damn, that’s just close enough to the truth to be scary.

UPDATE, 9/17: Apparently it’s not a joke. (Via Ravenwood) At least not in England:

‘Hard-working’ job ad banned to protect the lazy

A businesswoman has been banned from asking for ‘hard-working’ staff in a job ad because it discriminates against the lazy.

Beryl King was told by a Jobcentre that her advert for warehouse workers discriminated against people who were not industrious.

Beryl, 57, told the Daily Mirror: “I couldn’t believe my ears. Has our world gone mad?

“I’ve been running my business for 27 years and it’s getting harder to find people who want to do a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay.

“How long before someone says you can’t pay people for working because it discriminates against those on benefit who are paid for not working?”

Beryl, who owns two job agencies in Totton, Hants, offered £5.42 ($9.71) an hour for “warehouse packers who must be hard-working and reliable”.

The Southampton Jobcentre is investigating. A spokesman said: “Words such as ‘hardworking’ can be accepted if used with a clear job description.”

Yes, Ms. King. The world has gone mad. Completely batshit.

An Unaswered (and Unanswerable?) Challenge

The Rev. Sensing has thrown down a particularly interesting gauntlet:

If you support Kerry for president, I invite you to write a guest post for this blog explaining why. Here’s why it’s a challenge:

To be published, you must explain why Kerry is to be preferred in terms that do not simply say he’s not Bush. This is not an invitation to rage about Bush; it is an invitation to be positive about Kerry.

It will be insufficient merely to declare that Bush is wrong on Iraq, taxes, education, etc. You must explain why and how Kerry is right.

You must cite and provide links to Kerry’s speeches or campaign releases to back up your claims. These cites can reach all the way back to when Kerry declared his candidacy for the 2004 race.

Citing the Dermocratic platform will be unpersuasive, since neither party pays a lot of attention to its own platform once the election is over, even if they win.

Length limit is 1,500 words. That’s a long post, by the way.

I will not rebuild your html code, so when you email your entry to me, you MUST email it in plaintext format (not an html email) with html coding revealed intact. Do not email me asking how to do that. You may write the essay as a *.txt document and send it as an attachment if you wish, but I won’t take responsibility if my security software alerts and sets phasers to kill.

Your subject line must read OHC KERRY CHALLENGE ENTRY. I get pretty well buried in email every day, and unless it’s obvious your entry is there, I may well miss it and even delete it.

I do not have time to be your editor. If you can’t spell or use good grammar and syntax, I won’t help you. Your essay must be publishable in style and readability!

I am not promising to publish anyone’s essay. I will publish no more than one essay. I will not fisk any essay that I do publish, I will present it unedited and unabridged with your byline. You MUST include your real name; I will delete pseudonymous essays without reading them.

I reserve the right to publish (maybe with attribution, maybe not) excerpts of any essay submitted.

No – “means no” – profanity. Using the first and last letters of a cuss word with *** in the middle counts as profanity. When quoting someone else, delete profanity used in the quote.

ABSOLUTE DEADLINE is Saturday, Aug. 28 at 7 a.m. CDT.

The original challenge was issued yesterday.

This should be interesting.

My Favorite Liberal

Has a pretty good post up.  The eternally optimistic Dean Esmay waxes eloquent on the two-party system, game theory, pragmatism, and political conventions.  Excerpt:

Half a loaf, half a loaf, half a loaf onward. Yet it’s not a charge into oblivion, but a charge into what’s right. Over a period of years, maybe a period of decades, the American people will eventually find their way to the right answer.

When you look at the candidates for President every four years, you must look at all of this. The Republican will ride to power speaking of stern, strong, unyielding principles that he will inevitably compromise upon. The Democrat will inevitably rise to power out of a squabbling mess of fractious ideologies, attempting to meld them into a semi-coherent whole. Neither one will be virginal, both will be a little full of shit–but both of them (usually) sincere. In most cases, both will genuinely want what is best for America. Your only question will be whether you think their vision is the right vision, and whether you believe he will govern responsibly, and will take the duties of his office sincerely.

Give it a read.

Control Loops, Chaos Theory, Endocrinology, Psychiatry, Economics…

Steven Den Beste, in his inimitable way, has a fascinating (Hey, I’m a geek an engineer…) new post up on, well, pretty much everything. But he eventually gets around to the main thrust of the topic and it has to do with Greenspan raising the interest rate by a quarter point in an effort to stave off inflation.

Generally, the Fed uses two main tools to try to control the economy. The Fed can pump new money into the system by “buying” federal bonds with money they conjure out of thin air. The Fed does this at a pretty regular rate, but generally they don’t like using this for primary control, and prefer to rely on the discount rate.

When the Fed changes the discount rate, in theory other kinds of interest rates tend to track it up and down. Of course, in practice it’s nothing like that straightforward. Sometimes they respond immediately and proportionally. Sometimes there’s a delay. Sometimes it has no effect. Sometimes other interest rates move in the opposite direction. Sometimes they move the same direction but less far; sometimes they move the same direction but much further. And in terms of larger effects, sometimes changes in interest rates affect overall activity and sometimes such changes don’t. And almost always it takes a long time.

The theory says that lowering the discount rate leads to lower interest rates overall, which tends to stimulate economic activity. But it doesn’t always work that way.

Now, I didn’t even get Father Guido Sarducci’s Five Minute University education in economics (“Supply and-a Demand. That’s it.”) but I remember one thing I read long ago: The Fed has essentially only one control, and that control is like a rope around the neck of the economy. The Fed can pull on that rope and choke the economy with a fair amount of effectiveness – cut the money supply or raise the interest rates and the economy takes note right fast. But if it increases the money supply or lowers the interest rate, it’s a lot like pushing on that rope. The noose might not loosen, and the economy might not notice.

Hey, I’m my expertise is in gun control. Do you come here for economics dissertations? But that mental image stuck with me, and I thought you might find it interesting. And besides, I love Chaos Theory. I strongly recommend James Gleik’s Chaos: Making a New Science if you want to know more about this relatively new field in mathematics, physics, chemistry, economics, medicine….

They Still Haven’t Quite Figured it Out

Ravenwood finds another one.

It seems that the mothers of England have figured out that marching for gun control didn’t work. After they got all the gun control they seemed to want, things just didn’t get any better:

MUMS ON MARCH AGAINST GUNMEN

BY ALISON BELLAMY – Leeds Today

HUNDREDS of mothers are to march through Leeds to protest at gun crime.

The Mothers Against Violence group is being headed by Pat Regan, whose son Danny, 26, was blasted to death by three bullets.

Er, no. He was shot to death by someone who shot him three times thus ending his life. I thought the “marching against gunmen” part made that clear?

The march is part of a national campaign which aims to rid the streets of violence and gun-related crime.

I thought all that gun control was supposed to do that?

Mum-of-five Pat, 49, of Hyde Park, Leeds, a trainee community development worker, said: “So many lives are lost due to guns and violence. By carrying a gun many young people think they have some sort of standing or will gain respect but I can say that it will eventually result in death or injury.

I thought that young people were supposed to think that carrying a gun was going to get them five years in prison? I thought that the gun ban was supposed to remove access to the guns they carry?

Guess not.

She added: “My son was no angel and became involved in drugs. I would not want anyone to go through what I have been through.

“We want to put a stop to the wave of gun crime and street violence and will demonstrate this by marching through Leeds. We want people to join us.”

And this will affect the drug-culture criminals… how, exactly?

Danny was killed on December 12, 2002. He had moved to Merseyside to escape the West Yorkshire underworld but was shot dead in a house in St Helens.
Police have never caught his killer: “Danny knew the dangers he was facing. I was always waiting for a knock at the door.

“He came home in a coffin and his designer gear came home in big brown envelopes.”
Pat said she was also keen for any families of people who had committed gun crime to also become involved. The group is also applying for funding and hopes to establish offices in Leeds and a support network.

Crimes involving firearms have doubled in West Yorkshire in five years, from 1,062 to 2,044 for the year 2002/3. In 18 months between 2000 and 2002, 11 people were killed and 24 injured in shootings.

Wow. Gun control has been so effective in West Yorkshire, hasn’t it? Licensing, registering, confiscating, heavy sentences. They’ve managed to take a pretty tiny problem and make a significant one.

I have an idea! Let’s do it here! We can take a significant problem and make it an overwhelming one!

West Yorkshire police has received national recognition for its work with drugs and gun crime. The force’s Operation Stirrup has led to 425 arrests, 36 guns and £1.6m of drugs seized.

And a doubling of “crimes involving firearms.” Dont’ forget to “recognize” that. Congratulations!

The march is on August 7 from noon from Potternewton Park, Chapeltown, through Little London and Woodhouse to Hyde Park. Hundreds of mothers from across the UK are expected to attend.

Hundreds. Can they call it the “Hundred Mom March”?

Sorry about the snarkiness, but I’m just in that mood.

There is Still Hope

As you know, I’ve blogrolled ProtestWarrior.com near the top, as this group takes the fight directly to the Left. No passive response here, they get right in their faces and force them to confront into congnitive dissonance by making them face their hypocrisy.

Well, there are still some young people able to think for themselves. I’ll have another example up later, but this one makes me want to stand up and cheer.

Go read Operation Tiger Claw. It’s worth every second of your time.

Pass the Word

John Moore, author of Useful Fools is a fellow Arizonan and a Vietnam vet.

And John is not happy with the Democrat frontrunner for President.

No, I’d say John is pretty damned irate at the white-washing Kerry is receiving in the press when it comes to his “heroic war record” and his service in Vietnam. So John would like some help from the blogosphere in spreading the truth, rather than the elaborately stage-managed propaganda that we’ve been seeing.

Please read his link-filled post Kerry Smeared His Country and The Press is Hiding It, and send a link to it to all your friends.

Hell, maybe even Prof. Reynolds will pick up on it.

WTF?

Kim, oh, Kim. And to think, I once respected your opinion.

Kim du Toit put up his flameworthy list of 25 People, Places Or Things That Are Popular, For No Apparent Reason

Here they are, with my comments:

1. Light beer

I don’t drink, so I’ll give this one a pass.

2. Chev Camaro

Chevy. It’s CHEVY. And I’m a FORD GUY, but I’d still like to have a 1970 SS396.

3. Apocalypse Now

Another pass. What the hell was that about?

4. Tofu

I’m not into it, but my wife, who is Japanese, loves the stuff. Hell, I love grits.

5. Bob Dylan

Here we are in complete agreement, though I do like Lay Lady Lay.

6. DisneyWorld

I grew up in Florida, and went to Disney World the year they opened, and several times after. I went there on my honeymoon. Try being a KID, Kim. It helps.

But I would like to machinegun It’s a Small World. And napalm the ruins.

7. Piercing of the private parts

I’m in full agreement on this one. Semi-precious boogers (nose piercings) are bad enough.

8. Candy with coconut in it

Mounds Bars RULE!.

9. Olive Garden restaurants

Salad and breadsticks. They need no other justification.

And have no other justification.

10. the NBA

Male ballet. We agree again.

11. Les Miz (the musical)

Haven’t seen it, don’t plan to.

12. California

An absolutely beautiful state. Too bad it’s occupied by Californians. As someone once said, in the middle of the night the country tilted, and everything loose rolled into California.

13. Unintended Consequences, by John Ross

It’s worth the read just for the history lesson in how civil liberties slip away while no one notices.

14. Windows operating systems

I’ve been using Windows since it came out. Beats Linux for the average user. And commercial software makers write A LOT of stuff for it, which is more than you can say about Apple.

15. the Rolling Stones

They’re still going to be on stage when they’re using walkers. They were once very good. Now they’re just good, but I give ’em points for longevity.

16. Any novel by John Grisham

I’ve liked almost all of them. What, you were expecting Tolstoy?

17. Margarine

Two words: “Soft Spread.”

18. Hawaii

Another beautiful place full of people disconnected from reality.

19. Lettuce

Iceberg. See “Olive Garden” above.

20. Sex In The City

Kim Cattral.

21. Buffalo wings

We’re in full agreement here.

22. New Orleans

Never been there, but any place where women flash their breasteses for some cheap-ass plastic beads is OK in my book.

23. Suntanning

I burn like Joan of Arc, so I understand his aversion, but toasty brown is much more appealing than pasty-white.

24. the “music” of AC/DC

Hell’s Bells. Back in Black. Highway to Hell. ‘Nuff said.

25. Tattoos

Unless you’re a sailor, I agree.