Internet Access

I haz it. Bandwidth, no so much. And I’m on the wired network, not WiFi.

Giant Multinational Corp. provided it as part of the conference package. I imagine that they had to, considering their clientele, and the fact that the equipment this conference is covering starts in the low eight-figures price range.

I’ll say this for the venue: Posh. Very, very posh. I feel out of place.

It promises to be a busy couple of days, so blogging will remain light.

Oh, and still no reply from Alan Baird. He must’ve thought my missive was a death threat, too.

On the Road Again

I’ll be out of town until Saturday night. I’m leaving tomorrow morning for a conference. Apparently no one told the Giant Multinational Corporation that Las Vegas was a politically-incorrect place to hold one of these things, and since it’s only a six and a half hour drive I’ll be bypassing the friendly Security Theater kabuki actors and making the round trip by ground vehicle. (I really need to get a Nevada non-resident carry permit.)

Anyway, I don’t know if the hotel will be providing WiFi gratis. If not, I probably won’t be posting much the next three days.

Oh, and as of 7:00 PM MST, no reply from Alan C. Baird.

More Anti-gun Bigotry

I found this through Northwest FreeThinker. It seems a blogger for Salon, a fellow Arizonan, got all bent out of shape when he saw an old man open-carrying in his local Whole Foods or its equivalent. He wrote a blog post about it, entitled “Gunfight at the Shopping Cart Corral.”

It went viral throughout the open-carry community. That piece, or at least a long excerpt from it, is posted at We The Armed. Please go read. A second piece, “National Quick-Draw Contest” was also written. These two essays resulted in irate comments and what the author, Alan C. Baird, states were not one but two “death threats.”

“Reasoned Discourse” broke out. The author flushed not one but both of the essays. As is normal, protests that his First Amendment rights were violated have been invoked.

So I dropped Mr. Alan C. Baird an email this evening. Here it is:

Mr. Baird

I’m sure by now you’re probably sick of the subject, but please allow me to add one more voice to the cacophony inspired by your recent pieces on the carriage of firearms in Arizona.

You just experienced the backlash from what Dr. Michael S. Brown described in 2000 as “a decades-long slow-motion hate crime.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to read the whole piece, merely the excerpt at the “WetheArmed” forum (I assume it was an excerpt. Surely you weren’t finished?) but do you really think these words were not insulting?

“Don’t look. He might shoot.”

“…some corpulent 80-year-old a**hole was standing in front of the donut peaches, packing a pistol.”

“80-year-old” is descriptive. “Corpulent” is descriptive. “Packing a pistol” is descriptive. But unless he was wearing an “I am an Asshole” t-shirt, the last is merely an illustration of your personal prejudice. This is known where I come from as “bigotry.”

“Not a law enforcement guy, just some retired jerkoff who evidently wanted to enhance the perceived size of his schlong.”

Now, just out of curiosity, how could you tell that this jerkoff – er, gentleman wasn’t, say, a retired law officer? And what is it that makes “law enforcement guys” somehow better than non-law enforcement guys when it comes to carrying a weapon? This too illustrates your bigotry. And what is it with you people and penis size? If you believe that gun owners own guns to compensate for the size of their wedding tackle, does your desire to disarm everyone mean you want yours cut off?

…when I saw that gun in the grocery store, steam started shooting from my ears.

Why, exactly? Could you please explain that to me? Feel free to use big words, I have a college degree. In something useful.

I marched up to the front office and loudly demanded to see the manager. When he arrived, I was apoplectic….

I’m very glad you don’t own a gun. Obviously have anger control issues and you’re not a stable person. I’m beginning to understand why you don’t like to see other people armed – you think they’re just like you, and lack of self-control is “normal.” I assure you, it is not.

Oh, the manager lied to you (he might not be aware of it, but he’s wrong). There’s no law that states that any business cannot post a “no firearms” sign. It’s perfectly legal. Stores are private property, and they may post to their heart’s content. They just run the risk of losing business.

I pulled out the big guns: “Displaying a gun is an implied threat of violence.”

Not when it’s “displayed” on someone’s hip in a holster. Pulling it out and waving it around, known legally as “brandishing,” is. Oh, and I love your double entendre there, “pulled out the big guns.” Cute metaphor, pen being mightier than the sword and all.

I notice you weren’t willing to test that theory here.

“Guns are just murders waiting to happen.'”

Really? All of mine must be defective, then. This too is bigotry.

“If he’s psycho enough to wear a gun in a grocery store, he’s psycho enough to use it. All of us would end up on the evening news, looking like Swiss cheese.”

Wow, you are such a bigot! Do you hate black people too? Replace “gun owner” with the “N” word, and you’re expressing precisely the same hatred of a minority group. I seem to recall there was a penis-fixation component in that bigotry, too.

Here are some examples for you to review of elderly people compensating for their tiny shriveled-up “fazes”:

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/crime/os-senior-thwarts-robber-20100925,0,7201060.story

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2010/aug/31/311152/ala-grandmother-shoots-intruder-in-her-bedroom/news-breaking/

http://nalert.blogspot.com/2010/05/chicago-man-80-did-what-he-had-to-do.html

http://www.kcci.com/news/23208133/detail.html

http://www.kvoa.com/news/82-year-old-fights-off-attacker/

If you only read one of these links, read the last one. An 82-year-old a**shole, er, woman is attacked in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Sierra Vista. I’m betting she’s not retired from any police department. I’m sure that prior to this assault most people believed that the worst criminals in that area were jaywalkers, too. At worst, shoplifters. That didn’t stop her from being assaulted there severely enough to put her in the hospital for a few days.

Her handgun stopped the assault, though. Was she compensating for the size of her penis?

Perhaps if she’d been wearing her penis, er, handgun exposed, her attacker would have picked a different victim. Had she not been carrying her handgun, perhaps her walking stick might have been “a murder waiting to happen.” Her assailant said words to the effect that he planned to kill her before he took it from her and began beating her with it.

Mr. Baird, you’re a bigot. An angry bigot. You are prejudiced against guns, and by extension the people who own and carry them. You have very little self-control, and you believe that’s normal – you must be normal, right? Therefore no one should own a gun, much less carry one – except for those who collect a government paycheck. Somehow that distinction makes them special, different, trustworthy.

Would you like a list of links about corrupt, murderous cops?

Mr. Baird, I too am a resident of Arizona. I live in Tucson. I’m a gun owner, and I possess a Concealed Carry permit (though those are no longer strictly necessary since Arizona became the third “Constitutional Carry” state.) I’m a recreational shooter. I try to get to the range at least a couple of days a month on the weekends. I run a bowling-pin match at the range I belong to every second Sunday of the month. I’m also a blogger. I run The Smallest Minority, and this letter will be posted there in its entirety – with links – as soon as I hit “send.” A few thousand people will see it. It will probably generate some more mail. Sorry about that, but hey, you reap what you sow.

My blog has open comments. In over seven years, I think I’ve only banned two commenters, and I’ve NEVER flushed a post down the memory-hole.

In closing, I think it might behoove you to get some psychiatric help. Work on your bigotry, your fear of firearms, your self-control issues, and your curious fixation on things penile. Also your hatred of your fellow man. If you don’t, you might end up strapping on a firearm and calling out an 80-year-old a**hole who might blow your penis off with his .45 in self-defense.

Trust me, I know some old guys who can SHOOT.

Kevin Baker, proprietor,
http://smallestminority.blogspot.com

P.S. – The First Amendment does not protect you from the public consequences of your own words. It protects you from government infringement in the expression of your thoughts and ideas. You know, where armed agents of the State come and tell you to shut up – or else. If you’d like, drop me a line and we can discuss it.

Somehow I doubt I’ll hear from Mr. Baird, though I’d love for him to come to the November 6 Blog Shoot.

Joe Huffman has a piece up on the topic, too.

Hopenchange Fails Again

I’m not sure how long it takes to bring a TV series from concept to the small screen, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s about 20 months if you really push.

I’m betting that NBC’s Outlaw was a brainstorm that occurred about the time someone realized that Obama was going to be President. Consider the premise: an ultra right-wing Supreme Court Justice, gambler, womanizer, picks up an ACLU lawyer one night after boozing and betting in Atlantic City, and in the morning he becomes a new man! (I’m surprised he didn’t come out of the closet, too!) He retires from the bench to open his own law practice to protect the “little guy” against capitalists, conservatives, all the evil exploiters of the downtrodden! (But I repeat myself.)

How could it miss?

Apparently they showed three episodes an then put it on hiatus.

Which is now permanent.

All together now, aaaaaawwwww!

UPDATE: Reader Sarah left an interesting comment which caused me to do a little research into the writing of the show. As far as I can tell, the creator, producer, and writer for the shows that aired is John Eisendrath. He was interviewed before the show premiered, and here is his explanation of the thoughts behind its creation:

I wanted to do this show because I do not have much faith in the legal system and I have seen innocent people be hurt by it. And I longed for [change] particularly by judges who knew they were doing something that would hurt innocent people but felt that they were bound by the law to hurt them because that was their job, to uphold the law.

I wanted to write a story about a judge who couldn’t do that anymore, who felt like he had a higher calling that went beyond (h)is obligation to following the law as a judge. But as a conservative, he knew that he couldn’t just make it up as he went along, so he left to do something in pursuit of that higher calling.

Yup, that’s one definition of conservatism. And a beautiful definition of why liberals love judicial activism: Don’t uphold the law, make it up as you go along!

Quote of the Day – de Tocqueville Edition

From the National Review Online column by Mark Krikorian, “A Network of Small Complicated Rules, Minute and Uniform” from October 1:

The federal government bans the incandescent light bulb. It bans street signs that have all capital letters and mandates what font they need to be in. Now, Congress has seen fit to focus its august attention on the volume of TV commercials.

The problem is not that these things create unnecessary costs or destroy jobs, which they do, or that lawmakers have more important things to do, which is also true. Rather, the federal government has no business doing any of these things. Yes, the entitlements trainwreck is a bigger issue, but if we, as a people, continue to shrug at this sort of thing, our unfitness for self-government will become undeniable.

It still amazes me that Tocqueville foresaw this soft despotism so long ago:

It covers the surface of society with a network of small complicated rules, minute and uniform, through which the most original minds and the most energetic characters cannot penetrate, to rise above the crowd. The will of man is not shattered, but softened, bent, and guided; men are seldom forced by it to act, but they are constantly restrained from acting. Such a power does not destroy, but it prevents existence; it does not tyrannize, but it compresses, enervates, extinguishes, and stupefies a people, till each nation is reduced to nothing better than a flock of timid and industrious animals, of which the government is the shepherd.

That’s about 2/3rds of the whole piece, but it’s the QotD.

I’m amazed at the prescience of de Tocqueville, but given the predictability of human nature, maybe I shouldn’t be.

MidwayUSA Discount Codes (repost)

Another bump on this one. MidwayUSA is offering discounts to my readers through October 17:

To receive your Savings:

1. Place in-stock products in your shopping cart totaling:

$10 off $100 – Use Promotion Code 19310
$20 off $200 – Use Promotion Code 29310
$30 off $300 – Use Promotion Code 39310

Enter the promotion code in the box entitled “Promotion Code” on the shopping cart page.

2. You will see the discount on the Confirmation page before placing your order.

3. Remember, this promotion code is valid for orders placed on MidwayUSA.com.

4. Limited to in-stock products, one per Customer and one promotion code per retail order.

5. Excludes Gift Certificates and Nightforce products, Sale priced products and Clearance products.

6. Offer valid for retail Customers only.

7. Offer cannot be combined with Birthday or Special Pricing.

8. Hurry, offer ends at 11:59 PM CT October 17, 2010.

Match Report – 10/10/10 “Ten Pins”

Match Report – 10/10/10 – “Ten Pins”

Today’s bowling pin match went off quite well if I do say so myself, but I can see some changes are going to be necessary. Fourteen people showed up to shoot the match (not counting me), and this was the first month where we shot a .22 rimfire class. Five of the fourteen brought a .22 to shoot in addition to their centerfire guns, and one shooter brought two different .45’s to shoot, so there were a total of 20 entries (plus mine).

I ran out of entry sheets!

In agreement with the shooters, we had only three qualifying runs per shooter with their centerfire pistols instead of five, then we went straight to the .22 competition. Instead of running a .22 classifier, I just lined up two shooters against each other and ran one “practice” round to see what kind of differential we were looking at. From that I set a handicap, and we ran a double-elimination tournament. John Higgins with an iron-sighted S&W model 41 took the honors, competing against “Doc” O’Hanlon shooting a Browning Buckmark with a red-dot. Best match of the day, though was this one, filmed by John O’C with his cell phone:

http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf

I wish I could tell you who was shooting, but that match was a dead-even tie at just over five seconds.

After the .22 competition we started the centerfire class, running a single-elimination competition due to time constraints. I lasted two whole rounds before I was eliminated. The match eventually ended up with Jim Burnette shooting against Phil Roberts. Jim has a long history shooting bowling pin matches and has an original Clark custom compensated 1911 chambered in John Moses Browning’s (PBUH) .45ACP. Phil was shooting an uncompensated STI hi-cap 1911 in .40 S&W. Jim won the first round, but Phil pulled it out in the last two for the win.

John O’C drove down from Chandler for the match, and as I mentioned, provided the video above. He won the drawing at the end of the match and took home the $21, which might actually cover the cost of his gas for the trip.

I want to thank everyone for coming, and for helping set up, run, and tear down afterwards. It makes everything run much more smoothly.

I think for next month’s match we will stay with single-elimination, but we will go to a best 3 out of 5 competition rather than best 2 out of 3. The idea here is to come out and shoot, and if you got taken out in the first or second round, you didn’t get to shoot much. Again, we will stay with the three runs for time for the centerfire shooters, and one side-by-side “practice” run for those competing in .22. (I may have to drag out my MkII and join in on that one. Or maybe my Single-Six…)

Overall, everyone seemed to have a good time, but I’ll keep trying to improve the match and pull in more shooters. The next match will be held November 14 at 8:00AM at the Tucson Rifle Club.

Bowling Pin Shoot – Tucson, Sunday October 10

At the Tucson Rifle Club Action Range. Classifying starts at 0800 (8AM).

Pistols only, .38 Special caliber or heavier. We will also have a .22 rimfire class, so bring ’em!

Course of fire:

Five standard bowling pins placed on a 4′ x 8′ table approximately 42″ high. For “Major” calibers (.40 S&W or higher) the pins are placed 12″ from the front edge of the table. For less powerful centerfire calibers, the pins are placed 18″ from the back edge. For .22 rimfire, pin tops are placed on the back edge. In all cases the targets are spaced 18″ apart across the 8′ width of the table.

The shooter starts from the “low ready” position, 25 feet from the front edge of the table. At the sound of the timer, shoot all five pins off the table.

Each shooter will have five three (3) timed solo runs to establish a handicap. After all shooters have been timed, shooters will be paired off in competition. Slower shooters will receive a handicap advantage. Two tables, two shooters. At the sound of the first beep, the slower shooter begins. At the sound of the second beep, the faster shooter begins. Whoever clears their table first, wins. Best two out of three determines the set winner. This way revolver shooters have a chance against semi-autos, stock guns have a chance against race guns. I determine the handicap delay. If I think you’re sandbagging, I’ll disqualify you or adjust your handicap to suit.

This is a double-elimination match. Losers from the first round will compete against each other, winners will compete against winners. Competition will continue until there is only one shooter left who hasn’t lost twice. The .22 class will be separate from the centerfire classes.

Cost to shoot is $10 for the first gun, $5 for each additional gun. A dollar from each entry goes into a pot. At the end of the match, a random drawing will occur. Out of those still present, someone will win the pot. The winner of the match just gets to be king of the hill for the month.

Bring enough ammo!

Hope to see you there!

“This is not science; other forces are at work.”

Another Martin Luther 95 Theses moment.

“Harold Lewis is Emeritus Professor of Physics, University of California, Santa Barbara, former Chairman; Former member Defense Science Board, Chairman of Technology panel; Chairman DSB study on Nuclear Winter; Former member Advisory Committee on Reactor Safeguards; Former member, President’s Nuclear Safety Oversight Committee; Chairman APS study on Nuclear Reactor Safety, Chairman Risk Assessment Review Group; Co-founder and former Chairman of JASON; Former member USAF Scientific Advisory Board; Served in US Navy in WW II; books: Technological Risk (about, surprise, technological risk) and Why Flip a Coin (about decision making)”

Professor Lewis has resigned from the American Physical Society. Here is his letter of resignation:

Sent: Friday, 08 October 2010 17:19 Hal Lewis

From: Hal Lewis, University of California, Santa Barbara
To: Curtis G. Callan, Jr., Princeton University, President of the American Physical Society

6 October 2010

Dear Curt:

When I first joined the American Physical Society sixty-seven years ago it was much smaller, much gentler, and as yet uncorrupted by the money flood (a threat against which Dwight Eisenhower warned a half-century ago).

Indeed, the choice of physics as a profession was then a guarantor of a life of poverty and abstinence—it was World War II that changed all that. The prospect of worldly gain drove few physicists. As recently as thirty-five years ago, when I chaired the first APS study of a contentious social/scientific issue, The Reactor Safety Study, though there were zealots aplenty on the outside there was no hint of inordinate pressure on us as physicists. We were therefore able to produce what I believe was and is an honest appraisal of the situation at that time. We were further enabled by the presence of an oversight committee consisting of Pief Panofsky, Vicki Weisskopf, and Hans Bethe, all towering physicists beyond reproach. I was proud of what we did in a charged atmosphere. In the end the oversight committee, in its report to the APS President, noted the complete independence in which we did the job, and predicted that the report would be attacked from both sides. What greater tribute could there be?

How different it is now. The giants no longer walk the earth, and the money flood has become the raison d’être of much physics research, the vital sustenance of much more, and it provides the support for untold numbers of professional jobs. For reasons that will soon become clear my former pride at being an APS Fellow all these years has been turned into shame, and I am forced, with no pleasure at all, to offer you my resignation from the Society.

It is of course, the global warming scam, with the (literally) trillions of dollars driving it, that has corrupted so many scientists, and has carried APS before it like a rogue wave. It is the greatest and most successful pseudoscientific fraud I have seen in my long life as a physicist. Anyone who has the faintest doubt that this is so should force himself to read the ClimateGate documents, which lay it bare. (Montford’s book organizes the facts very well.) I don’t believe that any real physicist, nay scientist, can read that stuff without revulsion. I would almost make that revulsion a definition of the word scientist.

So what has the APS, as an organization, done in the face of this challenge? It has accepted the corruption as the norm, and gone along with it. For example:

1. About a year ago a few of us sent an e-mail on the subject to a fraction of the membership. APS ignored the issues, but the then President immediately launched a hostile investigation of where we got the e-mail addresses. In its better days, APS used to encourage discussion of important issues, and indeed the Constitution cites that as its principal purpose. No more. Everything that has been done in the last year has been designed to silence debate

2. The appallingly tendentious APS statement on Climate Change was apparently written in a hurry by a few people over lunch, and is certainly not representative of the talents of APS members as I have long known them. So a few of us petitioned the Council to reconsider it. One of the outstanding marks of (in)distinction in the Statement was the poison word incontrovertible, which describes few items in physics, certainly not this one. In response APS appointed a secret committee that never met, never troubled to speak to any skeptics, yet endorsed the Statement in its entirety. (They did admit that the tone was a bit strong, but amazingly kept the poison word incontrovertible to describe the evidence, a position supported by no one.) In the end, the Council kept the original statement, word for word, but approved a far longer “explanatory” screed, admitting that there were uncertainties, but brushing them aside to give blanket approval to the original. The original Statement, which still stands as the APS position, also contains what I consider pompous and asinine advice to all world governments, as if the APS were master of the universe. It is not, and I am embarrassed that our leaders seem to think it is. This is not fun and games, these are serious matters involving vast fractions of our national substance, and the reputation of the Society as a scientific society is at stake.

3. In the interim the ClimateGate scandal broke into the news, and the machinations of the principal alarmists were revealed to the world. It was a fraud on a scale I have never seen, and I lack the words to describe its enormity. Effect on the APS position: none. None at all. This is not science; other forces are at work.

4. So a few of us tried to bring science into the act (that is, after all, the alleged and historic purpose of APS), and collected the necessary 200+ signatures to bring to the Council a proposal for a Topical Group on Climate Science, thinking that open discussion of the scientific issues, in the best tradition of physics, would be beneficial to all, and also a contribution to the nation. I might note that it was not easy to collect the signatures, since you denied us the use of the APS membership list. We conformed in every way with the requirements of the APS Constitution, and described in great detail what we had in mind—simply to bring the subject into the open.

5. To our amazement, Constitution be damned, you declined to accept our petition, but instead used your own control of the mailing list to run a poll on the members’ interest in a TG on Climate and the Environment. You did ask the members if they would sign a petition to form a TG on your yet-to-be-defined subject, but provided no petition, and got lots of affirmative responses. (If you had asked about sex you would have gotten more expressions of interest.) There was of course no such petition or proposal, and you have now dropped the Environment part, so the whole matter is moot. (Any lawyer will tell you that you cannot collect signatures on a vague petition, and then fill in whatever you like.) The entire purpose of this exercise was to avoid your constitutional responsibility to take our petition to the Council.

6. As of now you have formed still another secret and stacked committee to organize your own TG, simply ignoring our lawful petition.

APS management has gamed the problem from the beginning, to suppress serious conversation about the merits of the climate change claims. Do you wonder that I have lost confidence in the organization?

I do feel the need to add one note, and this is conjecture, since it is always risky to discuss other people’s motives. This scheming at APS HQ is so bizarre that there cannot be a simple explanation for it. Some have held that the physicists of today are not as smart as they used to be, but I don’t think that is an issue. I think it is the money, exactly what Eisenhower warned about a half-century ago. There are indeed trillions of dollars involved, to say nothing of the fame and glory (and frequent trips to exotic islands) that go with being a member of the club. Your own Physics Department (of which you are chairman) would lose millions a year if the global warming bubble burst. When Penn State absolved Mike Mann of wrongdoing, and the University of East Anglia did the same for Phil Jones, they cannot have been unaware of the financial penalty for doing otherwise. As the old saying goes, you don’t have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind is blowing. Since I am no philosopher, I’m not going to explore at just which point enlightened self-interest crosses the line into corruption, but a careful reading of the ClimateGate releases makes it clear that this is not an academic question.

I want no part of it, so please accept my resignation. APS no longer represents me, but I hope we are still friends.

Hal

That took balls.

In Response to That Video . . .

. . . the one about “I’m voting Republican because…” I give you this email I just received from my brother:

A Flood of American Liberals

The Manitoba Herald as Reported by Clive Runnels, Oct. 6, 2010

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay”.

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers — the so-called northern coyotes — who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.” A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps; The President is determined to reach out,” he said. The Herald will be interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary from the dead in time for the concert.

Turnabout is fair play, no? Interestingly enough, this dates back to at least 2006.