The Husband Store

My dad sent me this one, and I had to share.

One day a woman happens upon the store and enters the ground floor.  She is met by a large sign that says “All the men on this floor have jobs.”

“Wow,” she thinks, “that’s a good thing, but hardly sufficient to make them marriage material.” So she gets on the elevator and goes to the second floor.  On this floor she is greeted by a sign that says, “On this floor all the men have jobs and like kids.” 

“That’s great, but I have to wonder what’s on the next floor!” so on she goes.

The sign on the third floor says “On this floor all the men have jobs, like kids and help with housework.”  She doesn’t even bother stepping off the elevator – on to the fourth floor.

“On this floor all the men have jobs, like kids, help with housework and are devastatingly handsome.”  On to floor five!

“On this floor all the men have jobs, like kids, help with the housework, are devastatingly handsome and romantic.”

You know what happens next.

When the elevator doors open on the sixth floor, there is only one light lit, the one that illuminates the sign.  THIS sign says, “You are shopper 33,695,427 to reach this floor.  There are no men on this floor.  This floor serves to illustrate that no matter what, no woman can be pleased.  Thank you for confirming our hypothesis.”

Now across the street, the same man built a Wife Store.  Same six floor design, same rules.  On the first floor the sign says “All the women on this floor love sex.”  On the second floor the sign says “All the women on this floor love sex and have money.”

No one has ever visited floors 3 through 6.

Quote of the Day – Southern Edition

So I spent some time earlier this week at a gold mine under construction in South Carolina.  Part of that time was spent in “site specific” safety training, said training being administered by the head of site security.

Now, I grew up in the South, my parents are from Appalachian coal country, so I’ve heard a few “Southerinisms” in my time, but this one:

“Some folks in this county would steal the yeast from a biscuit without touchin’ the crust.”

This one was new.

Nerd Humor

This made me laugh out loud – literally: The United Federation of “hold my beer, I got this”. From the link, the part that kicked my gigglebox completely over (edited for clarity):

Klingons: “Okay, we don’t get it.”

Vulcan Science Academy: “Get what?”

Klingons: “You Vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses, but you’re also tougher, stronger and smarter than humans in every single way. Why do you let them run your Federation?

VSA: “Look, this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up. This is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip.

“They did that last week. We have the write-up right here. It’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. Also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how.

This is why we let them do whatever the hell they want.

Klingons: “…Can we be part of your Federation?”

Hat’s off to “roachpatrol,” the author of that bit.  That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are… And the rest of the thread is as well.  Especially:

There is a phrase in Vulcan for “the particular moment when you understand what the word ‘fuck’ is for.”

World’s Best Blog Post is Ten Years Old

Oh my god.  It’s TEN YEARS OLD.

If you’re unfamiliar with it, IMNSHO this blog post at Unqualified Offerings – and the accompanying comment thread – is the best thing EVAR in the Blogosphere – Blog.

Warning, don’t start reading this if you have to get up early tomorrow.  The comment thread is 1,104 posts long.

And it’s not the best just because my comment ended the thread, either. 

Pantsuits

OK, this one was new to me.  Not exactly the same scene from the film Downfall we’re used to seeing:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prls6Iz3B3E?rel=0&showinfo=0&vq=hd720]