I’ve backdated this post so that it doesn’t appear on the front page of the blog, but it can be pulled up as a link at need. Reader DJ has kindly composed this list of my single leftish commenter Markadelphia’s “Standard Responses” which he has exhibited over the last two years or so:
#1 The “I can’t hear you” response. He behaves as if a request to respond or to answer a question was not made, or that he never read it. This seems to be his favorite.
#2 The “What’s the point” response. He complains that it is pointless to respond because he won’t be believed anyway. One often finds this on a playground during third grade recess.
#3 The “I’m not alone” response. He states his opinion, and then he points to the writings of other people who share his opinion, as if the request were about votes instead of verifiable facts, logic, and reasoned thought.
#4 The “How ’bout that anthrax, eh?” response. He simply tries to change the subject. This is also known as the “Hey, look! A pony!” response.
#5 The “I’m drowning in stupidity” response. He simply lays on the blather, slathering on one turgid catch-phrase, slogan, and cliché after another, and then declares, later, “I answered your question.”
#6 The “How ’bout a little fire, Scarecrow?” response. He deliberately misses the point, laying on one straw man after another.
#7 The “Who you gonna believe, me or your lyin’ camera?” response. Nothing is valid, no matter what the evidence for it is, unless it squares with the conclusions he’s already jumped to.
#8 The “Humpty Dumpty” response. He simply asserts that your words mean what he says they mean. Thus, no matter what you write, it means that he is correct. This is also known as the “We don’t need no stinking dictionary!” response.
#9 The “Nuh-uh! Am not! You are!” response. He simply asserts that the other side is what he doesn’t like his side being accused of. As with #2, one often finds this on a playground during third grade recess.
#10 The “Brave Sir Robin” response. When the monsters get too close, he disappears for a few days, only to reappear and treat everyone as if they didn’t see the monsters.
#11 The “You’re Not Smart Enough For Me To Converse With” response. Found for the first time in this thread from December ’09
#12 The “I’m a deliberate fuckwit!” response. When he discovers, yet again, that he cannot counter his opponent’s argument, he intentionally mischaracterizes his opponent’s argument, reasoning, meaning, and even the plain language of his statements, and then argues against his own mischaracterization as if it shows his opponent to be wrong. He does not care that this shows him to be fundamentally dishonest and/or unable to understand what his opponent actually wrote, but it gives him yet another opportunity to avoid admitting that he is wrong and/or that his opponent is correct. While this response often embodies one or more of his other Standard Responses, overall it is a distinct form that is easily recognized.
Numerous examples of many of these standard responses are to be found in the epic-length comment thread to this post.
I will probably update this post periodically with examples of each, such as this textbook example of Standard Response #1: An Investment in Failure
Not a peep out of him in the comments to that one.
Oh, and as of Sept. 23 2010 this is Rev. 8 of the list.
UPDATE: 12/18/12 – all of the links to JSKit or HaloScan are now defunct. Unfortunately, when I was forced to switch from HaloScan (formerly JSKit) to Disqus, the 40,000+ comments did not come along, and in October of 2012 those comment threads ceased to exist online. My deepest apologies.
