Remember “Police Aware”?

That post from earlier last Saturday? It was an editorial on the inefficacy of Britain’s police. Well, thanks to Cryptic Subterranian, I’ve found another sterling example:


A SHOPKEEPER has been given a DNA kit by police – so he can take samples every time his teenage tormentors spit in his face.

The man likened the girls to Vicky Pollard, of TV’s Little Britain.

Six months of harassment began after he refused to sell the girls cigarettes or give them cigarette papers.

He was beaten by a man linked to the group and his cheekbone and jaw were broken.

The 53-year-old, of Crouch End, North London, said: “We do not feel safe. The guy who hit me in the face has since threatened me.

“You hear about Vicky Pollard, but these girls are worse.”

A police spokesman said: “This behaviour will not be tolerated.”

“This behavior will not be tolerated.”

By whom? “Police Aware” – it’s been taken care of!

How do you hand a man a DNA sample kit and explain to him, “The next time they spit in your face, old chap, just carefully collect some of the spittle into this sample bottle and ring us up! We’ll be by in a week or two to collect the evidence! In the mean time, do try to avoid getting your neck broken or your throat slashed when they come back.”

I. Am. DUMBFOUNDED. And I thought the proposed knife ban took the cake. And if you think this is a hoax, the barely more reliable Guardian corroborates, but here’s a slightly more detailed version from a local online source. A quote from the victim:

“We are hanging on for the time being. Our customers have been very supportive.

“I know other shops in Crouch End are suffering because of these people.

“I’ve been to the police station a number of times to find out what’s happening, but all I’m told is investigations are on-going.”

What will be the outcome of the “on-going investigation?

If enough evidence is gathered against the group, police and Haringey Council could work together to bring an Anti-Social Behaviour Order into effect which could ban the yobs from the area altogether.

“Police Aware!” And ah, yes, the dreaded ASBO!

And if they disobey the ASBO? I’m sure a strongly worded warning will follow!

Bear in mind, too, that it isn’t only the proles being treated this way. These same kits are being given to London’s “traffic control officers” (meter maids). According to This is London, however,

Three (parking attendants) are assaulted in the capital each day, some being attacked with baseball bats and knives.

so they’ll have to be very careful to make sure they don’t get any of their own blood in the samples. It would be awkward if they got ASBO’d for assaulting themselves. But there’s more justification for that knife ban! I suppose a Louisville Slugger ban will follow posthaste.

What the HELL happened to the Brits?

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