When I got up yesterday morning I had an ache in my groin area (I know, TMI! TMI!) on the left side. Didn’t know what it was, but it was only slightly annoying. Last night when I went to bed it was worse, but I noticed that my left leg was a bit swollen. Still, the discomfort was minimal. This morning the skin on my left leg was tighter than a bloated tick. Pain still wasn’t bad, but it had reached the level of annoying.
I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I do read a LOT, and most of it sticks. “Kevin,” my brain said, “I think you’ve got a blood clot in your leg.”
So I did what every good digital denizen does when confronted with a possible life-threatening medical condition, I asked the internet whether I should go to Urgent Care or not. Consensus was “Yes.” So I called my regular doctor (before normal business hours) and left a message asking them. Got a return call almost immediately: Emergency room. Urgent care doesn’t do ultrasound tests.
So bright and early this morning I was in an ER getting an ultrasound of my leg. Diagnosis: a healthy bouncing baby blood clot, very high up in my thigh.
This shit can kill you.
But I told the ER doctor the reason I came in wasn’t the possibility of sudden death by heart attack or pulmonary embolism, it was an old joke that kept running through my head:
A guy’s mother collapses, and she’s rushed by ambulance to the hospital. After hours in the ER waiting room the Doctor comes out. “I have good news and bad news,” he says. “What’s the bad news?” the son asks.
“Well, your mother has suffered a severe stroke. Her entire left side is paralyzed, but that doesn’t really matter because her brain function is severely degraded. She can’t talk, in fact about all she can do is make this really annoying screeching sound. You’ll have to feed her, bathe her, change her diapers, basically care for her like she’s an infant for the rest of her life. And she may live another twenty years.”
“Jesus,” the son says, “What’s the good news?”
The doctor replies, “She died. I’m just fucking with you.”
Got both the doctor and the nurse to laugh.
Anyway, as I said, Deep Vein Thrombosis can fuck you up. I’m pretty sure that’s what killed Acidman and Captain Phil Harris from Deadliest Catch.
Pay attention to the symptoms.
And if it gets real quiet around here, well…..